Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Fashion Fail

I should have brought a pair of cottony-soft socks with me :(

So what was supposed to be a run-bike night turned into a practically nothing night. Upon arriving home we had a package waiting to be picked up that took 2hrs to finally get into our hands. The driver returned late to the delivery depot. On the bright side our Tri-suits arrived! Yay!!

We rushed home to try them on and ummm well lets just say it is an art to get into these things. I tried a 2XU suit on at the local tri-store in a Medium and I just barely got into it. Even though the website showed that the suit would fit me according to the sizing chart, I still managed to hear a small 'tear' in the fabric as I hauled it over my phat ass. Needless to say I didn't buy that suit.

Instead I went the dumber way of just ordering a suit online and HOPING it fit! :) The sizing chart on this Orca brand suit showed I am smack dab in the perfect range for a medium according to my weight, chest and waist size. I pulled the skimpy little peice of fabric up to my thighs and the damn thing got stuck. My upper quads are Ginormous, they stick out way passed my hips. Actually you really cant see my hips since my thighs are so wide. Anyhow there was no way I could wiggle my way into this suit so I had to stretch the material to its maximum capacity. The poor zipper was under alot of load, it was the only thing holding the unit together, I thought for sure it was going to rip.

Anyhow, once over my phat ass it was easy to get into until my arms. The websites only show sizing charts for weight, chest, waist but not height. I have a loooong torso and I have never found a tri-suit that fit nicely. This was no exception. I had to pull a double-jointed-pretzel manouver to get my arm through the hoop and have it over my shoulders. A little tight on the shoulder but no different than my other suit. My only worry is that over many hours of racing, it might cut into my skin but there is no immediate evidence of this.

Oh My this thing is revealing.
Actually, I feel like I am naked.
Damn, I am hung like a horse.

Yup, there is nothing modest about this tri-suit. The only thing left is to go out in public and workout in it! It's too late to bike ride so we decided to put in a quick little run instead. I wanted to test out my sockless running which did not end well. I didn't think to AT LEAST bring some socks with me, so about 30 minutes into the run my shoes broke my skin and started to painfully rip away my flesh. I had to resort to walking and crush the back of my shoe under my heal and wear them like 'slippers' so I could make the long walk back to the truck. Before my workout came to a screaching stop, I did manage to put in a sub 5min/km steady run and felt great! I think I was concerned with going slow enough that someone could see me in this ridiculous costume that I just ran faster so they could only recognize a blur. The suit felt good, again possible digging into should shoulders over time and I think that could be relieved a bit by unzipping the front zipper and exposing my dark fluffy chest bush to the world. I have to squeeze the man-boobs together to get the thing zipped up so clearly the website listed the chest sizes a bit on the small size. Oh well.

The wife looks yum-yum in hers! It has a built in sports bra which means she can unzip the front zipper and I can get some really great tease photos! I can't wait to see what the race photographer comes up with! This is going to be great!

I haven't tried it on the bike yet. There is practically no chamois at all so I wonder how it will feel. This material is really thin so I can't over-do the testing. I have a feeling it will fall apart in no time! Luckily I got a great price on it so I am way ahead of the game!

Now I just need these blisters/sores to heal on my heels. I may have to resort to covering them with duct tape on race day. Actually probably even tonight before my ride. Duct tape on open wounds works great! Bandaids NEVER stay on! Even the alleged waterproof ones - they suck. Just put duct tape over them and you're set! The downside is the glue stays behind after your remove it and its like waxing without the wax.


Run - 0:30hrs Speed


  1. seriously... I would advise against those. Take forever to peel off to take a shit. Then if you are sweaty the are IMPOSSIBLE to put back on.

    its a long day and you will probably have to shit at some point... just saying.

    The plus side, my man bits and but don't hurt on the bike with these things.

  2. Matty O sure has an opinion on this one! :D

    You guys look like you're going to kill any race you enter! Very professional looking.

  3. you didn't get the ass-less suit? At least Fran would have looked good in it!

  4. Did you check your suit for your socks? Sounds like they may have been in there.....



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...