Monday, June 20, 2011

Race Report - Guelph Olympic Triathlon 2011

Red Green Carpet entrance

Well we got out of bed even earlier this time. After last week's ass dragging I wanted to make sure we got there in time to get a proper warm-up in! Once again, we were behind schedule but by only 15 minutes. Still, makes for a tense morning as I snap at everyone to move faster and be more efficient! In the end we made it to the race course at a reasonable time.
Things were smooth at race kit pickup with the exception of the body marking which was not very obvious and I would find later that at least half the people that passed me on the run had no markings at all. I expect better from Trisport.

I had the proper amount of time to get a 2km warmup run in. I got lost in transition, I coudn't find my bike. It was BY THAT TREE, except there were a few trees that looked the same and when I found it I wasn't actually near the tree. Ooops. No panic though, just stupidity. I had duct taped my heels before heading out on the run but this time the tape was not holding. I just had to remove it in the end, my blisters are mostly healed now anyways. I've never had duct tape not stick before so I'm not sure what was on my skin to cause that.

My Bodyguards. They had to keep all my fans at bay...

The rack was packed, lots of people in my age group and very little real estate. I asserted my position on the rack and gave a hairy eyeball to the guy that made motion as if he was going to move my bike to make room for himself. If you value your life, you Do. Not. Touch. My. Bike.. So once he realized that fondling my woman bike may be hazardous for his health, he moved down the rack into a perfectly open spot that he should have gone to in the first place. I suspect people wanted to be near the tree for easy finding.
Soooo anyways, shortly before this I had the most horrible experience. Like, one of the worst expereinces of my life. Seriously, I'm a changed man. *shudder*.
I had an urge. Like one of those all of a sudden Warning: Contents Under Pressure, explosive moments. Since we arrived early at the race, I didn't have to wait in line for the porta-potty, YES! There are advantages to arriving early! However, it was bad. Like OMFG I am so glad this happened now and not an hour from now on the race course. I just kept breathing and it just kept coming. Yes, I am sharing this with you but only because it was horrifying. Now its early in the day so the 'hole' is nowhere near full, which is great cuz the odour was practically non-present. Anyways, since the 'water' level was so low there was a good 2 feet down to the ummmm 'stuff'. What happens when you violently THROW a rock into a pond. Yes, big splashes. BIG. And its not like I had any control because the harder I tried to throttle-the-rate it was like putting your finger over the end of the a hose. Except this was a firehose and the splashback was mortifying. Things felt wet. Over and over. Ahhh shit.  No really. So I tired to pretend like it wasn't happening but the evidence was clear - well it was more dark blue than anything(they fill it partially with blue colored fresh smelling fluid) as thats the colour on the TP after a wipe. BAAAAAAARRRRRRRFFFFF  ugggghhh faawwwwk. Thats. Just. Wrong. OK so I didn't barf but there was plenty of dry heaving and profuse sweating going on. I just wanted out. I made sure to double-double-quadripple-extra fortify the hand. Lucky for me TP was free and well stocked. Will someone please kill me now. I can't believe that much splashed up onto my behind. Fuck.
So thats my pre-race story. I promptly took my Biohazardass down to the lake to rinse any remanants. Damn, I just bought that poor tri suit and now I'm gonna have to burn it.

Alpha Male. Thats me.

Not an Ironman, an Olympic. I was worried for a moment there..
So this time I got a good warm-up swim in. I made it back to the shore with 4 minutes left before race start. I did it again, thats cutting it close - I have to stop doing that! I didn't feel rushed but I did feel alot out of place. When they asked my my 'projected' swim time I did some rough calculations in my head and came up with 15 minutes for 1500m. So they gave me the swim cap for the fastest time, which afterwards I read was 23minutes or lower. WAIT a moment here. Obviously I messed up my math and while this was a Mass start, they organize the color of the caps by projected time so people don't get run over. Great idea! That is, if the idiots that wear the cap could do math. Or maybe it was just me. I should have been in the 28 minute-ish group. Oops. This may hurt a little.

Pretty much illegible, I wonder why...


Panic Suit

Back muscles already seized

Beatings all around

Ohh my first beach start! While waiting on shore my swim mask completely fogged up - yay! I'm on the beach so there is no water to dunk it in to clear it. Oh well, I can sort of see the buoys still. Off we go and being tall I could walk forever. All the dolphins around me were looking pretty fancy as they thrashed about in the water but they didn't get any further ahead than me who just walked the first 20m lol. Once I started going I felt 'ok'. After last race's panic attack I aimed to slow my pace down to keep my composure this time. It was working but the big waves and current were swamping over my head and making it hard to breath. I started to lose my cool but by the turn around (2 loops) my head was in the game. I got hoofed in the face and my swim mask went crooked. It didn't fill with water so I just straightened it out and kept going. I only saw tweety birds for a few seconds and wondered if it would leave a cool bruise that I would have a story to tell at the office the next day. I got run over a few times but nothing I couldn't handle. By the end of the lap I was amongst the 'yellow caps' who were going more my speed. Anyways we had to exit the water and run the beach to start the next lap. That was REALLY hard. My arms were tired and my heartrate shot up as I succombed to a jog along the sand. I deliberately let my arms dangle underneath me as I hunched over. Yeh I looked like a fool but it felt good to completely let them rest lol. The second lap was much better. Slow and steady, rarely got passed. It was tough making the first buoy turn because the current was so strong it swept you to the wrong side of it. Apparently something like 50-80 people cut the course because of this. How rude! I didn't know it at the time, frankly I dont care. If I had cut the course I would remember it for the rest of my life and never forgive myself for being such a douche. I finished up my swim at the middle of the pack. Not good, not bad, but I figured I was faster than that. No matter, the priority of today's swim was to 'keep my cool' and if it meant going slightly slower then so be it. I think for next year though, I am getting a swim coach. I need to go faster if I want to be competitive.

I'm smack dab at the front and thick of it

Syncronized Swimmers


Looooong frickin' run up a hill to the transition area. I was tired trying to jog that hill. I felt pretty smooth in transition but still struggled to get the wetsuit off my legs again. I have long legs, it makes it hard to step on the wetsuit and pull your foot out in the first 3 or 4 tries. No matter, I just used my hand. None of this will matter at Ironman. When I went to mount my bike I kicked my water bottle out of the rear holder. It fell to the ground and rolled away. I just kept going but some spectator woman felt the urge to scold me for 'you can get disqualified for that'. Littering is technically a no-no but they do say to toss your bottles at volunteer areas, technically this is one of them. There was no DQ'ing but I'm glad she felt like she had to shout it at the top of her lungs. I found out later that my wife ran over and recovered my bottle. Excellent, afterall the bottle says 'Kona' on it and it matches my other one. haha!

Nice ass.... no ME you idiot, look in the background

Duathlon ran at same time as us. She totally was not part of my race hah


I went a moderate pace but I certainly didn't rocket out of transition. I got passed by some awesome looking riders with disc wheels that went woosh-woosh as they passed by. After I got composed on the bike I put some effort into it and later passed all them disc wheel guys beford the 15Km mark. They weren't doing much wooshing anymore. haha. The course trends uphill on the way out so I kept something in the tank for the return trip so I could hammer out the rollers and make up time. I didnt clue in but on the way out I found the hills to be easier than when I pre-rode them. That would be because I had a tailwind and didn't notice. At the turn around it was obvious. No matter, I dropped the hammer and sprinted back to transition. Passed a million people but got blocked a few time by people not completing there pass, or riding the center line and I hesitated to pass on the right. That was annoying. There was alot of vehicle traffic on this road and they would drive down the yellow line which was scary since I'm coming the other way at a now relative 100km/h and they're on my side of the road as I try to pass slower cyclists. Insane! I even watched a large farm tractor take up an entire lane at a snails pace as a big group of riders got stuck behind it. Some dumb broad crossed the yellow line to go around the tractor and had I not seen it from a distance I may have run into her. What an idiot! no matter what, NEVER cross the yellow line in a race.
So by the time I reached T2 I clearly did not do my best. I had lots in the tank still and was feeling good. I should have gone harder on the bike but 9th place is good enough for today. I chalk it up to my inexperience, I wasn't too sure how hard I should have gone on the bike.

Dismount acrobatics

Quick, easy. Nothing to note except I kept my sunglasses on this time. I've never run with my sunglasses before, not even in training. They are cheap and heavy but they look cool so I kept them on. Other than drips of sweat down them making it hard to see, they didn't bother me. I think I'll wear them more regularly on runs.

Here is where it begins to unravel. Immediately as I started running I had some intense GI pain. I dug my fingers into the spot where it hurt and just kept running. Then the pain spread out to the other side of my gut and now I was running out of fingers to jab into the sore spots. I just ran in pain. My paced dropped a good minute slower than I should have been but I never succombed to walking. I did walk 5 seconds at the first aid station to make sure I got all the water I could. I did the same at the next aid station but nothing was getting better. It was getting to be a bit much but I figured this was a good chance to see what happens if I don't give up. Eventually I let out a couple small burps and maybe that helped, I couldn't tell. This was the exact pain I had a few weeks ago after swimming in Pittock Lake. I chalked it up to bad water or bad eating right before a swim. This time, I didn't think I ate bad with the exception of maybe too much sodium from gel? I later found out that a few other people got sick, so I suspect the water quality may have been poor, but again just a guess. Either way, I burped a couple times and it kinda felt better. I passed gas just the one time and put an immediate WUH-OH stop to that. I hope it was just air, cuz I forgot about the earlier act of god in the porta-potty.

Finisher chute

Anyhow around the Halfway mark I seen Training Payne coming the other way after an out and back. Ohhh I was in front of him! Amazing, this is one of those goals I set for the day. I just held my pace as best I could but by the second out and back I seen him again and he was closing the gap. Dangerously close as he will definitely pass me at the finishers chute if he keeps up that pace.
Training Payne is behind me somewhere, DONT LOOK BACK!
That was all the motivation I needed to run harder. Some of the pain from my GI issue faded but at least 70% stayed. I just held the best pace I could and didn't look back. As I approached the long downhill to the finishers chute I went as hard as I could. All I kept envisioning was me with arms up in the air shooting down the final stretch and then having Training Payne fly by as he pats me on the ass, smiles for the cameraman and takes my win lol. I ran like I frickin' stole something.
He never did pass me. :)


Stomach pain sucks.

13th place, I'll take it. I should have easily of been 8th-ish but no better. I'm happy with the results, especially with the friendly competitions going on. I also crossed the line ahead of that Daryl 'I hate your guts' Neuman(spelling?). He's one of the sweet modest guys that solicit help as if he's a noob. Then he turns around a crushes you at the next running race. He's mean like that. Anyhow lucky for me the course was too short for him as he was pulling a 4min/km pace and was about to run me down if it weren't for that finish line coming too soon. That was close, he almost totally had me! haha!
The best part was that everyone sounded like they had a good day. The weather was great, course conditions beautiful and we all had alot of fun. I met all my goals of the day, even with some stomach pain.

Post Race Dip. There is a high probability that
I am peeing myself right about now...

Other things worthy of note was that Daryl lost his timing chip but managed to get himself into the standings. Phew, that could have sucked! haha!  Also, Training Payne got disqualified. We still don't know why but if you were one of his cult followers at one point in time then you're probably not surprised. They probably DQ'd him for his blog alone haha.

 Olympic Triathlon: 2:26hrs  AG: 13th  Overall: 61


  1. great race

    yea i lost my bike in T1 last year as well. entered one way but ran in from the swim in a different entrance

  2. Weird, I hear of so many people losing their bikes in transition, have done a handful of races and found Smurf every time!

    Great job man, looks like the training is really falling into place lately! Hopefully you keep the energy and motivation up to knock off the last few weeks of training!

    I have heard that typically people that are good in the short courses don't do well on long courses... I am very good at short courses haha, so I am curious how you do at IMLP! Hopefully we can prove that myth wrong!

    Loved the recap!

  3. You are too funny!

    BTW, you are going to piggyback me in my next race. 5k under 25 min? No problem!


  4. okay
    a little TMI
    big splash
    WAY TMI!!!!!!!

    great race tho
    you pushed it....WTG!!!!


  5. This is funny read John, as in laugh out loud in the GO train quiet zone funny, literally.
    I'm doing Guelph Oly Tri tomorrow and I'd have loved to kick your ass. But you had to run away to the other end of the world. Pussy!

  6. YoBit lets you to claim FREE CRYPTO-COINS from over 100 unique crypto-currencies, you complete a captcha one time and claim as much as coins you need from the available offers.

    After you make about 20-30 claims, you complete the captcha and continue claiming.

    You can click on claim as much as 30 times per one captcha.

    The coins will stored in your account, and you can exchange them to Bitcoins or any other currency you want.



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...