Friday, August 6, 2010

Saddest Vacation

Oh snap!
The morning started off well, but ended in nothing short of misery. We slept in after last evening's beautiful night ride. There was no pressure to rush today as we were doing a 4hr road ride in Huntsville so we could start it any time of day. The weather report looked swell and we are fairly organized so packing the truck would only take moments. I went to pack the truck, I always start with the most valuable/critical stuff first. I grabbed the electronics, bike lights, ID etc and noticed something was missing from the pile. Not a problem as that something is only ever stored in two places - either with my ID/credit cards or its in the center console of our truck as I don't take it cycling with me. The problem as you may have guessed was it wasn't in the center console either. First there was confusion, as if I placed it somewhere out-of-normal? Then there was complacency, as if it'll just magically turn up any moment now as there is no way it's been lost. Then anxiety as it wasn't jumping up and saying 'HERE I AM!'. Panic. Despair. Desperation. Panic. Nerd Rage. Then I got really scared. I think I remember TV sit-coms about this scenario and I think it always ended with the man laying dead in a ditch somewhere after being visciouslly pummeled to death by a raving mad woman. Well there's no sense delaying the enevitable so I may as well just confess and get help trying to find it.
"uhhh.... uhhh.... uhhhhh.... I can't find my wedding ring". A moment of silence. She just stood there. I could tell she was working things out. I thought maybe she had seen it and was trying to recall where it was. I had hope. I thought all is well. I thought she'd just find it right there under my nose as she does with everything and sarcastically (?) follows up her easy find with "You're such a man" as if the "cant find sh*t" gene was passed on to me by my gender. So here I'm thinking all is well, we'll just laugh this one off. She slowly moves over to the kitchen counter reaches out to grab the obvious as I probably left on the counter while washing dishes. No wait. I don't wash dishes. .... ... W.T.F. goes through my mind as a sharp peircing pain goes right through my chest! again and again, she relentless stabbed me with a chopping knife, right through my heart!?!! She grabs the scissors off the counter and screams 'BOBBIT!!!!!!!1!@$!!! as I squeel in agony as peices of anatomy fly through the air. I tried to make a run for the door but then she pulls out the chainsaw - WAIT - WHERE THE HECK DID SHE FIND A CHAINSAW?!?!!! ZOMG MY LEGS!. Ok well, luckily that was just what was all in my mind, but damn that was one loooong awkward silence after delivering the news that will forever change my life. *Gulp*. Sooo we looked and we looked and then we looked in the most desperate of places. After retracing my steps we came to the conclusion it probably fell off my hand rather than my putting it somewhere and forgetting about it. The thing is - I'm a PFY. Previously Fat Guy. The year we got married we had the ring sized before I lost weight for our wedding. The ring was made of Titanium which we are told cannot be sized, ever. My once sausage fingers are more like those skinny chocolate fingers I got so fat on at one point (Yummy cookies!). It's been falling off from time to time, and well I guess this was bound to happen one day. I'm sad. I'm sad that she was sad. I try to rationalize it by saying it's just a peice of metal and that all that matters is that we have each other and I know she loves me and I love her and wait is that a chainsaw in behind her back?? Ok, don't try to rationalize it. EVAR. Things happen, be sad, mourn the loss, and be stronger knowing we can appreciate how awesomeness our relationship really is. I'm the luckiest guy in the world. I still have my legs, my male anatomy is in tact, and there's not puncture wounds in my chest. It could be worse I guess. Tim the beaver approves of our relationship. :)
Sooo on that dismal note I wondered if we'd still be riding in the afternoon. The tough part about long road rides is that you have a long time to be with yourself and your thoughts on the open road. You need to be mentally balanced and can survive the comfort of your own company for hours at a time. I didn't know if she wanted to commit to a 4 hours solo road ride (we planned not to ride together on this one due to pace/climbing differences). My wife is one tough chick. Seriously, the toughest woman on the planet. Heck she's with ME! :) We had our sad moment, she sucked it up and had lunch and out we went. Just short of 100km with a 40km/h headwind and a ton of climbing, I was glad to have that ride over with. The plan was for me to get to the truck, drive backwards and pick her up at whatever point she made it to. I did an extra 16km to complete the entire Ironman Muskoka bike course and then starting packing up to go save teh wife. Low and behold she arrived! Wow my wife is amazing. That was a brutal ride for me, and she finished the entire loop! I'm so proud of her! I should have known not to doubt her strength, she has proved herself time and time again. But then I got worried. The first thing she said was "maybe you had a revelation while on your ride and you remember where the ring is?". Uh Oh. Is that the humming sound of a 2-stroke motor coming from behind her back? What is she doing with that chainsaw!?! ... well I was too tired to run so I took it like a man and offered her a peanut butter cream cookie instead. We jumped in the lake together which was surprisingly warm but refreshing. We topped the day off with an evening in Huntsville and fine dining (lousy service ugggh) but as always made the best of it.

I love my wife.

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