Monday, December 20, 2010

Nipple Clamps

I phucking suck.

No really, that was like beyond suck.

It made Fail look like WIN.

Fail is something I would have to aspire to be. I would have been better off with Fail than what I just pulled off this weekend.

I'll spare the gorrey details. Lets just say 'I indulged' is the understatement of the year.

The entire weekend was bad food, desserts, sweets, a Phuck-ton of alcohol, cigars and what amounted to absolutely ZERO exercise whatsoever. Yup, I suck.

Oh I'd love to punish myself for being such an idiot. I deserve every ounce of punishment coming my way. I feel like I gotta get out the door on the bike and hold myself at lactate threshold till' my liver comes out my ass. Repeats. How many livers do you got? Nevermind, I'll just stuff it back in and keep doing them till I pass out.

K, well aside from beating myself to a pulp - I think I'll draw the line here and moving forward I promise to behave myself for the remainder of the year. Yes, that is cheating cuz there's only a few more days left but you know what I mean. Moving along, I reserve the right to eat jellybeans at my Dad's xmas party. Outside of that, I will behave myself. With any luck, he'll forget to get jellybeans this year! :)

Despite my wicked behaviour, I had the most awesome time at Adena's place Friday night. I got to sleep in her bed and everything! She may have touched my penis again, but given how intoxicated I was I do not remember.
The Training Payne Kona party was a hit. I love talking with John Barclay about his Ironman experience. He is a great story teller. You can tell he is passionate about what he has done. I still remember his stories from last year and they ring my ears frequently on training rides.
I left the entire batch of Ironman cookies at Bryan's place. The idea was to sabatoge his training cuz I knew he would eventually eat all the cookies himself. The plan seems to be going perfectly, however I did not forsee his kegregator delivering 1000 times more punishment back my way. A 2-day hangover sucks, thus I didn't get a single workout in. I just ate my brains out. I wonder if he planned this... Nahhh, he's too dumb for that. I'll let him take credit anyways.

I'm such a lightweight.

Uhhh so then there were 2 other xmas party's where I consumed a good 30,000 calories+++ or something like that. I'm mad at myself. I didn't exercise even the slightest self control whatsoever. It was horrific. I dont want to remember this weekend.

Can we pretend like it never happened?
Should I punish myself for being so naughty?
Maybe I'll double up on some workouts this week. Triple?
Beat myself over the head with a rolling pin? Anvil? 
Administer Hot Wax? Nipple clamps? Fran's Cooking?

Grrrrrr.... I'm livid!

I haven't stepped on the scale yet. I'll check in the morning.

Here is the missing workouts that I didn't post from last week. Maybe this will make me feel a bit better:


  1. Hey, you weren't supposed to post ALL the details! Sheesh! I can only say my Saturday night was much worse than Friday so my entire weekend = write off. Moving ON.

    You guys are welcome any time!

  2. TMI!! haha

    Sounds like you guys had an awesome time at TP party, like I would have expected anything less


  3. John, you need to stop being so hard on yourself with regards to your food intake.. You have been doing great on all your maintenance training and you are aloud to indulge ever now and then. You are human AND it is Christmas time for crying out loud. And having just bought you a new pair of jeans, you are now officially skinnier then when we met 11 years ago.... SO live a little would ya!!! Geeesh :P

    Adena, thanks again for your hospitality. I had a blast!! :)
    Mrs. Lotc

  4. Ha I knew it was a great party when no one posted anything on their blog for the weekend except for payner

  5. It's early, don't beat yourself up. Once it becomes routine time will fly by.

    Oh and I like the new look of the blog :)

  6. J, now you just made me feel better, at least I trained. haha

  7. Holy crap - wax AND nipple clamps?? Ha ha I like the new look of the blog BTW!



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